Monthly Archives: October 2012

The New Love of My Life

I have some serious commitment issues. Something about the idea of choosing something and sticking to it makes my blood run cold. Arctic Circle in a bathing suit cold.  I start seeing the negatives that were always there, hidden by the rosy glow of indecision. And things I’m afraid of losing? Those I’ll commit to like a drug addiction…until I have them. Let’s just call me exceptionally fickle.

Until about a week ago. I was, once again, put in a position of commitment. I’ve just recently gotten more freedom than I’ve ever had: out of college, single, subletting a different apartment every month, not tied down by a job…really, I don’t think it gets any freer.

So, when I was given the option of committing, I knew part of me was going to protest. My brain was going to argue that I should enjoy freedom longer, not get stuck so that I wouldn’t want to leave should I be offered a great, long-term acting gig outside of the city. I should stay solo. But the other half of me knew this was too good to not commit to: beautiful,  great company, and with everything I am looking for…

That’s right, I am sitting at my own desk right now, surrounded by my own things in my new apartment. And I love it. I will forcefully suggest that anyone else who might think moving into a 5th floor walk up without movers sounds like a good idea get their head checked, but after one absolutely exhausting day, I am settled in and completely overjoyed to have somewhere to call home, with roommates I am actually friends with, in an apartment we all chose together. I might be in love with this place. Head over heels in love.

So, maybe I should reevaluate my opinions on commitment. Rethink my rather negative stance on relationships, get a dog, plan something further into the future than two weeks…or maybe I should just take baby steps.

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The Haunting

So, subletting in the city has been great so far. I’ve been incredibly lucky with my roommates and the rooms I’ve found. However, I’m already starting to feel like I want a place of my own-somewhere I don’t have to move out of in a month. So, when a friend of mine offered to look with me, I immediately and enthusiastically said yes.

Which leads me to a few nights ago. My friend (let’s call her CW), had found a really cheap apt on Craig’s List that she was looking at that night. I decided to come along. It would probably be nothing, but worth taking a chance, right?

She told me where to meet her, and I blanched. It was the same block my ex lived on. After a few deep breaths, I thought, you know what? Oh well. I’m fine. And he sleeps all day anyway. This is fine. When I got to the meeting place, CW said the only six words that could possibly make this any more uncomfortable: “Guess what building we’re going to?” That’s right. We would be looking at apartments not only on the same block as my ex, but in the same building. Fantastic.

I hesitantly climbed the all-too familiar stairs, half-hoping the apartment would be awful with no windows, closets, or plumbing. And then, I stepped into a beautiful hallway. Which led to four pretty, spacious rooms. That all had decent-sized closets. And windows. I walked through the rather large living room, looking for the “but” factor, and being shocked when I couldn’t locate it. CW and I looked through every room, our eyes growing wider with each step. The apartment was incredible. Perfect size, way underpriced, willing to let us move in later than they were originally asking…I was sold.

…and then I remembered. Right. Him. I joked with CW for a few minutes about the uncomfortableness of the whole situation, and then decided that the apartment was too perfect not to at least talk to him about it. So I called him, knowing full well that this whole thing was a bad idea, but praying that he would  laugh and say, “K, you’re being silly. This is not a big deal at all. I mean, we’ll hardly see each other. And I have enough positive feelings about you left that I will be happy to say hello. And if I see you with another guy, I’ll say a little cheer for you in my head and maybe even give him a high-five. And don’t worry about seeing me with another girl because I’ve miraculously decided to never date again. Ever.” Or “K, this is fine. We’ll never see each other- I’ll dig a hole through my wall, and enter and exit my apartment that way. ” Or maybe even, “Actually, it’s funny you bring that up. I’m moving in a month.”

That, as you might have guessed, is not at all what happened.

Highlights from the conversation:

-Yeah, I don’t like it.

-It would really blur the lines.

-[insert awkward joke about bumping into future love interests here.]

-I’m sure you could find another apartment.

-…but it’s your decision.

Thank you, sir, for saying all of the things I was hoping you would negate for me. In the end, though, I’m glad that I talked to him about it. It pulled me back to reality. Because living in the same building as your ex would be awful. Even if the apartment is perfect. It would be like the relationship was haunting you. Every time you walked into the building. And I’m not in the market for that sort of living arrangement.

Any opinions? What would you have done?