So, subletting in the city has been great so far. I’ve been incredibly lucky with my roommates and the rooms I’ve found. However, I’m already starting to feel like I want a place of my own-somewhere I don’t have to move out of in a month. So, when a friend of mine offered to look with me, I immediately and enthusiastically said yes.
Which leads me to a few nights ago. My friend (let’s call her CW), had found a really cheap apt on Craig’s List that she was looking at that night. I decided to come along. It would probably be nothing, but worth taking a chance, right?
She told me where to meet her, and I blanched. It was the same block my ex lived on. After a few deep breaths, I thought, you know what? Oh well. I’m fine. And he sleeps all day anyway. This is fine. When I got to the meeting place, CW said the only six words that could possibly make this any more uncomfortable: “Guess what building we’re going to?” That’s right. We would be looking at apartments not only on the same block as my ex, but in the same building. Fantastic.
I hesitantly climbed the all-too familiar stairs, half-hoping the apartment would be awful with no windows, closets, or plumbing. And then, I stepped into a beautiful hallway. Which led to four pretty, spacious rooms. That all had decent-sized closets. And windows. I walked through the rather large living room, looking for the “but” factor, and being shocked when I couldn’t locate it. CW and I looked through every room, our eyes growing wider with each step. The apartment was incredible. Perfect size, way underpriced, willing to let us move in later than they were originally asking…I was sold.
…and then I remembered. Right. Him. I joked with CW for a few minutes about the uncomfortableness of the whole situation, and then decided that the apartment was too perfect not to at least talk to him about it. So I called him, knowing full well that this whole thing was a bad idea, but praying that he would laugh and say, “K, you’re being silly. This is not a big deal at all. I mean, we’ll hardly see each other. And I have enough positive feelings about you left that I will be happy to say hello. And if I see you with another guy, I’ll say a little cheer for you in my head and maybe even give him a high-five. And don’t worry about seeing me with another girl because I’ve miraculously decided to never date again. Ever.” Or “K, this is fine. We’ll never see each other- I’ll dig a hole through my wall, and enter and exit my apartment that way. ” Or maybe even, “Actually, it’s funny you bring that up. I’m moving in a month.”
That, as you might have guessed, is not at all what happened.
Highlights from the conversation:
-Yeah, I don’t like it.
-It would really blur the lines.
-[insert awkward joke about bumping into future love interests here.]
-I’m sure you could find another apartment.
-…but it’s your decision.
Thank you, sir, for saying all of the things I was hoping you would negate for me. In the end, though, I’m glad that I talked to him about it. It pulled me back to reality. Because living in the same building as your ex would be awful. Even if the apartment is perfect. It would be like the relationship was haunting you. Every time you walked into the building. And I’m not in the market for that sort of living arrangement.
Any opinions? What would you have done?
Musings of a 20-Something Know-It-All 
I don’t know the severity of your breakup, but if your pickins are slim in the world of cheap-and-also-beautiful apartments, then you’d be silly not to take it.
However, NYC is a large and vast world, and apartments turn over every 30 seconds. You should be alright in finding a new place… mental health is important 🙂
You made the right decision. There is no apartment that is worth that much intense awkwardness.
I wouldnt have even told him before….I would have made my decision then maybe wrote him an email informing him of my decision….or just avoided seeing him.
If the situation really makes you feel that uncomfortable, you’re not going to be able to enjoy the apartment. It would be like owning a really hot sports car but you can only afford to buy just enough gasoline to move it for alternate side parking.
Flashback: 1979. Out of necessity, I found myself moving to a place only three blocks from my soon-to-be-ex. (Our relationship had been deteriorating for some time, but I was in denial.) There was little chance of running into her, but it still felt weird, especially when Terrie (destined to be my wife, but neither one us knew that at the time) occasionally spent the night.
You made the right decision….MUCH BETTER things are in store for you in both apartments and Boyfriends 🙂 life is too short to spend worrying, especially where you call “home”!